CWA -- Core Issues

• Definition of the Family
  
• Sanctity of Human Life
• Education
• Pornography
• Religious Liberty
• National Sovereignty
• Miscellaneous
  

Miscellaneous? Their web page describes these as:

"a variety of other issues that don't comfortably fit into a category, yet are important to address."

You might wonder what nefarious, insidious or heinous form of machination might fall into this category. Yup... You guessed it... The worst sort of evil imaginable:

The Holiday Turkey

Apparently, little Brenda has run afowl of this wicked and malevolent holiday tradition. Her war spanned years:

"Year three brought the turkey breast with no orifices to explore."

Brenda, it seems, has a problem with breasts, not to mention probing orifices. Each battle she waged ended in crushing defeat. So, what did this bastion of christian motherhood do? Did she dig in the heels of her fashionable Gwyneth Scalloped Mary Janes (wide width) from Payless? Did she "damn the torpedoes, and full speed ahead"?

NO!

She did what any self-respecting conservative republican would have done -- she hired mercs.

"There is no longer fear, trepidation, or an outbreak of hives in my home at the mere mention of turkey. I discovered that my local grocer would sell me a complete holiday turkey dinner, already cooked! And that is how I conquered my adversary, the holiday turkey."

Proper gender-roles notwithstanding, she really should have consulted her husband. Clearly, he must be an expert at dealing with a frigid bird...